It's not uncommon to see lyrics in my diary because some songs capture feelings more elqouently than I could ever get on paper. Music is an integral part of my day; isn't that true for us all? Why yes, but I'm guilty of maladptive daydreaming and it's songs that kickstart my chimerical imaginings. Sometimes though, songs confront me with bleakness of reality and I can't la-la-land my way out of it. One of the latest culprits is "despite all my rage I'm still just a rat in a cage" in Smashing Pumpkins's 'Bullet With Butterfly Wings'. Funny thing, I have a little problem with auditory processing and need lyrics to really hear the lyrics, but I didn't need to do that for that line, nor did I have to look at genius to understand what they meant. I GET it.
Don't "r/im14andthisisdeep" me, but man, I feel useless. I think the world can get better but it's going to get a whole lot worse before it does. And what am I doing to help the cause? Absolutely fucking nothing. On my instagram story, I said I don't believe in the efficacy of peaceful protests; I don't believe that police approved marches do anything 'cause they don't. Simply for the fact that they just. don't. care. Wasn't there a statewide, global even, protest for Palestine 2023(?) and the genocide in Palestine just kept escalating. It's been almost 3 years of peaceful protests and Palestine isn't any freer.
I went to one of those SJP/PSL protests for Palestine. I was so resolute. I went despite my mom's fears and reservations and took the bus downtown. I made a little sign. I didn't understand how the organizer went up to a cop to ask them what's going on inside the city hall after we just finished chanting 'HPD, KKK, IDF, you're all the same". I also didn't like how the same organizer told us not to do anything to the poltician(?) that was heading out because we were "better than that". I understood we were never going to riot, but the policing of actions was weird to me. What came out of it? One cityperson changed their stance on Palestine and I went home content and resolved that in 2024, I'd defintely get involved in an org. When my mom asked sarcastically if I "freed Palestine" by going to the protest and I happily relayed the outcome to her. Well, what have all the protests since achieved? I think the councilperson was always going to change their mind, regardless of the pressure, because you're either against the slaughter of children or you're not, no deliberation needed, right?
All this to say is that attending all these protests is a sure way to burnout. I don't believe they're a useless endeavor.On my way home last week, I passed by a protest and it made me so happy---I pulled out my phone but immediately put it down because filming protests might be cop behavior (it's just not appropriate considering the climate). Demonstrations like that force people to ackowledge what's happening. I think at this point, though, everyone's aware.
I love student protestors though, who fight for divestment. They have my heart and my support. I heard that you shouldn't judge the effectivness of a protest by how hard the state cracks down on them, but if the state is okay with you protesting, you aren't protesting hard enough.
Only the most direct of action can help the cause at this point. You know it all Shekinah, lead the way! If there was a way if there were efforts to stop the production and shipment of arms to Israel near me, I would go out and help. I wish I could help in the efforts of forcibly informing polticians that they can't keep abetting in gencoide with impunity.
I do want to get involved in orgs, mostly to meet likeminded people, but also to something. I can't say that I'll be attending something the libbed out nonsene that's the No Kings Protests. The MOST useless of useless things, with "quirky" signs to boot! Ugh! But you probably might catch me at a book club or a more envasive protest I get so off topic. About the first paragraph. Is Palestine the only tragedy in the world? Of course not. There's horrors everywhere, even in the states. I know about a couple, but my knowledge does nothing to help. I know things need to be done, but as I go about my daily life, unburdened, I'm doing nothing. I'm stuck in a hamsterwheel. Excersising, getting good use out of that thing, but truly stationery.
“If you are deaf, dumb, and blind to what’s happening in the world, you’re under no obligation to do anything. But if you know what’s happening and you don’t do anything but sit on your ass, then you’re nothing but a punk.”― Assata Shakur, Assata: An Autobiography
I gotta do SOMETHING.